A pun is its own re-word!
  1. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
  2.  A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
  3.  A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
  4.  A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
  5.  A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
  6.  A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  7.  A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
  8.  A plateau is a high form of flattery.
  9.  Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
  10.  Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
  11.  Acupuncture is a jab well done.
  12.  Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
  13.  Every calendar's days are numbered.
  14.  Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  15.  Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
  16.  Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
  17.  What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
  18.  Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
  19.  A backward poet writes inverse.
  20.  Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
  21.  Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
  22.  Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
  23.  If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
  24.  When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
  25.  When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
  26.  When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
  27.  When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
  28.  Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
  29.  Without geometry, life is pointless.
  30.  A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
  31.  A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
  32.  In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your Count votes.
  33.  A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
  34.  Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  35.  I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
  36.  He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
  37.  Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
  38.  You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
  39.  He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
  40.  The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
  41.  A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  1.  Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor.
  2.  Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
  3.  The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  4.  The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
  5.  Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  6.  Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
  7.  Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
  8. Scientists may come and scientists may go but Ampere is always current.
  9. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.  The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
  10. A jumper cable walks into a bar.  The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start Anything."
  11. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
  12. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  13. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:  "A beer please, and one for the road."
  14. Two cannibals are eating a clown.  One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
  15. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
       "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
       "Is it common?"
       Well, "It's Not Unusual."
  16. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
  17. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.  The kids were nothing to look at either.
  18. Deja Moo:  The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
  19. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
  20. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
  21. What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.
  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  The one turns to the other and says  "Dam!"
  23. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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